


Unloving Touch

by SandraMorningstar



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Sam has hallucinations, about Lucifer and what he did to him in the cage, inspired by the "you're my little bitch in every sense of the word"-quote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-07 00:18:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1877937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandraMorningstar/pseuds/SandraMorningstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam has a lot of memories of his time in the cage. The darkest ones he buried so deep in his subconcious that he can almost forget they ever existed but they haunt him nonetheless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unloving Touch

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a very good friend of mine since she reduced me to tears with her Supernatural-ficlets twice already. So it was time to fight her with her own weapons. ;)
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it as much as she did.

Sam remembered the cage. So vividly so that the memories sometimes hurt almost physically. But he didn’t recall all of it – some memories buried so deep that not even he could find them anymore. But they still left their marks.

At first Sam wasn’t even aware of it. They had other things to worry about, as always, and he didn’t want to cause any more trouble than he already did. So he kept his mouth shut and shunned his uncomfortable thoughts. The symptoms he couldn’t hide as easily though. It started out little. By taking a cautious step back, whenever somebody came close. He didn’t even realize he did it and when he finally noticed, he wasn’t particularly worried. All this time locked away in the deepest and darkest corner of hell – no wonder he’d developed a few quirks to show for it.

 

Then, one evening, he and Dean settled for a beer in their motel room. They didn’t do it that often anymore and as they sat on their beds, chatting and even laughing, Sam realized how much he had missed it. The good old times. Back when they were just two brothers hunting monsters. No angels, no apocalypse, no gods, no purgatory … the list seemed endless by now.

“Hey, Sam, you listening?”, Dean interrupted his trail of thought.

“Huh…?”

“I take that as a no”, Dean said, smiling and shaking his head. “I wanted to know if you’d be up to go and watch a movie.”

Sam took a doubtful glance at the clock and said: “At this hour? Not that I don’t want to but I doubt there’d be anything good.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong”, Dean answered triumphantly, holding a disturbingly colourful flyer. Sam read it and couldn’t help grinning.

„Die Hard three? Man, that sure brings back memories.“

 

Sams thoughts spiralled back to the first time he saw that movie. Dean had shaken him awake in the middle of the night, a wide grin on his face.

“Come on, Sammy, get up. I got a surprise for you”, he’d said, all excited.

Sam did and together they left the lonely motel room and strolled into town. Telling jokes and creepy stories on the way. Dean had led him to the back entrance of a cinema, where he’d paid some pretty shady dude to let them in. It was the last show of the day and the viewing room was nearly empty so they claimed the best seats, huddled together and really excited by now.

The movie was great.

On their way back, Dean still had that dreamy look in his eyes that only Sam ever seemed to notice. Like he was inspired.

That quickly faded though, when they opened the door to their room to be greeted by John yelling at them. Well, he mostly yelled at Dean, which was even worse. Sam tried to defend his brother but John didn’t listen.

 

“So, you’re up for it?”, Dean asked.

“Sure”

 

They drove into town and Sam felt excited and – surprisingly – good. Going to the cinema like they’d used to. Watching a superhero or action movie and even the occasional chick flick (just for the hot lead female, as Dean was always eager to point out to anyone). Sam knew better. Knew that after the film Dean would park the Impala in an empty field or a clearing in the forest so they could watch the stars. They would share a beer, then kiss and then see where the night would take them. Looking back it seemed so nostalgically perfect and Sam ached to go back. Those times seemed a lifetime away and reclaiming – or even just recreating them – seemed impossible.

Still he smiled when they got their tickets and Dean bought the biggest cup of popcorn, so they could share.

He laughed when they were watching the movie and then realized that the sound resonated hollow within himself. Something felt off and he quickly relapsed into pushing it out of his consciousness.

 

The drive back was kind of tense. Sam wanted Dean to stop the car in the middle of nowhere and turn to look him deep in the eyes.

“Let’s share a beer”, he’d say as means of an invitation. And he would simply say “Yes” and smile.

But they just drove on and Sam couldn’t get a word out to change it.

 

And then, right at the last intersection, Dean took a different turn. Not going back to the hotel, instead driving through a small forest and then leaving the road, parking the car on a small hill.

Sams heart made a little, happy jump as he turned to see his brothers green eyes fixed on him. A small smile formed on both their faces and for the first time they got right to it. No beer, no stargazing. Just Deans lips softly pressing against his. He leaned into the kiss, taking over the lead. His kisses hot and a little rough as always, leaving hickeys on Deans neck as his lips wandered slowly downward.

“God, I missed this”, Dean moaned.

“Me too”, Sam agreed breathless.

They changed to the backseat but quickly realized that this wasn’t going to work. Sam was constantly bumping his head, his knees or elbows somewhere. Swearing and shifting uncomfortably. Dean finally couldn’t hold his laughter anymore because this was even more awkward then their first time and proposed to take the fun to their motel room.

The door swung closed behind them and Deans hands fumbled the buttons of their shirts open. Then he gently pushed Sam over to the bed and with one last, slightly more forceful shove Sam landed on the bed.

 _See, I knew you like it rough…_ , echoed a painfully familiar voice in his head.

He stiffened but forced himself to relax again as Dean sank on the bed next to him. His brothers fingers trailed the line of his collar bone. Sam made a sound of pleasure, pulling Dean close so he could kiss him again. He opened up, loosing himself in the touch of their lips, their hot breaths.

Then he felt a burning cold hand on his chest searing his flesh. A shiver went through his whole body. He opened his eyes and gasped as his eyes locked gaze with Lucifers who wore the façade of a warm smile.

“I knew you’d come back”, the devil said satisfied, towering over him. Sam tried to get a way but Lucifer quickly pushed him back onto the mattress, his fingers clawing into Sams flesh.

“No, no, no, Sammy. You’re not gonna get away this time”, Lucifer gloated. His grip grew even stronger and Sam bit his tongue to stop himself from screaming. It’s all just a hallucination, he reminded himself. None of this is real.

“None of this is real?”, the devil repeated his thoughts questioningly. “Are you sure?” He grabbed Sams hair and painfully yanked his head backwards. “Does this feel like a hallucination to you?”

Sam didn’t answer, just shook his head.

An evil grin formed on Lucifers face. He lowered his head and pressed an almost gentle kiss on Sams lips which immediately turned cold. Then he went on to explore his neck, every kiss burning ice-cold. “How about this then?”, the devil sneered and Sam didn’t have the power to deny it any longer.

“It feels real”, he admitted, wishing it would all be over yet. He knew what was to come and wanted nothing more than to just roll over and stop feeling altogether.

“Good, now we’re talking” Lucifer seemed content so maybe he would make it quick today. Sam felt the grip on his chest lighten but still just lay numbly on the bed. It was only when Lucifer fumbled open his belt and unzipped his pants that he snapped. He pushed the devil off of him and jumped up.

And realized he was back in the motel room.

 

An unsettling thought took form in his head only to be confirmed when he turned around to find Dean lying on the floor, looking more than a little shocked. An awkward silence stretched out between them. Sam wanted to say how sorry he was but no words seemed good enough, big enough, to fix this. So he said nothing, just stood there shaking and unable to look Dean in the eyes.

“Shit, what was this for?”, Dean asked harshly, scrambling to his feet. “If you wanted me to stop you could’ve just said so.”

“I’m sorry, I–”, Sam said almost too quiet to hear.

That was all it took for his brother to realize that something was wrong. “What’s wrong, Sammy?”, he asked and for a split-second Sam wanted to tell him. But he didn’t. There were no words to describe what Lucifer had done to him anyway, much less words he would be able to speak in the presence of his brother.

“Lucifer…”, he said lamely after a while.

“He’s not real, Sammy”, Dean was quick to ensure him.

Sam nodded. “I know”, he said and wanted so badly to believe it but his neck and his lips still burned cold and his chest ached where Lucifer had touched it.


End file.
